It’s an interesting end I’ve found myself in, I’m at a crossroad of sorts - I’m not really ready to be back on the “market” as such since the dissolution of my relationship months ago, yet I don’t really seem to have distanced myself from my partner of 4 years.
I don’t actually date and at the same time I feel like I’m ready to go out and meet people again. Which is a complete paradox because I only ever go out with friends, friends of friends or people who know my family! Being the psycho magnet I am and being unable to attract individuals of a sane nature, I tend to try and limit the possibilities of ending up with said “pyscho!”)
But more than that, I like to know someone well before I agree to dinner, I never like to commit to a bad investment and the attraction has to be immediate and something that absolutely draws me in.
It’s not often that someone has the ability to throw me off guard, make me nervous and absolutely fall apart and on the rare occasion that has happened, they’ve had me from day one.
It’s ironic, I found someone this year who threw me, had me from day one, we’d been friends due to our same interests and finally decided to spend some time together as friends do outside of our mutual hobbies. Which is all I thought it was, I make a point of having completely platonic relationships with men.
But from the moment I got into his car it was a completely different dynamic, I was nervous - I fidget a lot at the best of times but I was completely thrown off guard by his visual thinking, his forward and very open minded views on the world and most definitely his absolutely stunning green eyes.
Most of all it was his eyes, I always look at someone directly and usually people will look away at some point. A friend of mine once read if you look at someone for longer than 20 seconds your apparently a “serial” killer! However, when I looked at him directly, I hate to sound cliche or like I’ve stepped into a lame Stephanie Meyer book, but those green eyes of his just tore me apart. Apparently he looks directly at someone also, and with intent.
Needless to say I had an amazing day and an amazing night, it took a while to stop fidgeting and just relax, but in the end I did and the next week I was a hell of a lot calmer.
He just brings that out in me, my friend and I no longer talk due to reasons that I had no control over had I have known or been able to see or predict what was going to happen I would’ve prevented it. Though I didn’t and I still have no regrets today.
He is a truly amazing man, though we still don’t know each other well I can competently say that’s what I want. To be nervous again, to find someone who challenges me on all levels.
He focuses intently on what you say, is observant and has a great memory, challenges me mentally, is witty, charming, knows his way around the female body and accidently does tantra without knowing it - well that indeed is a man worth fighting for, if I’m half as lucky to find another one I won’t let him get away!
Especially if he has green eyes that literally see straight through your soul. I found someone who was on the same level as me in all things, wholly and completely fingers crossed I get what I wish for!
And besides, he declared me, “a walking LMFAO song!” - He already had me at, “I can feel your suspenders through your skirt!” When I accidentally leant on his hand in the elevator thinking it was the railing!
